Contentment Part III: Remembering

I've kept a journal as far back as I can remember. Recently, I packed up over 45 diaries with locks and spiral notebooks from over the years. I learned from an early age (the hard way) that you should never write down anything you wouldn't want someone else to read. Journaling was more of a way to process and a space to not-so-verbally express what my very verbal self needed to.  I kept the secret-revealing to minimum and over the years it developed from recording-keeping of who I had a crush on to an on-going conversation with God. A space where I could unpack the things I was learning, the things I didn't understand, the hurts, the joys and the questions.

Whether writing comes naturally to you or you need to discipline yourself into it, I think everyone should write. In particular, I think prayer journaling is really important. If you struggle with talking to someone you can't see, prayer journaling is perfect for you. If you're reading this and it appeals to you, but the term "prayer journaling" makes you feel like you're at some self-help retreat, it's okay. You don't have to call it that.

A few days after New Year's, I flipped through entries I had written around this time last year. I was so encouraged by what God had done in the past year, the prayers he had answered and the things he taught me. I forgot I even prayed half of them. Looking back on entries clears my perspective. Recently, Matt and I were telling some newly-wedded friends of ours how hard our first year of marriage was. Not because it was our first year of marriage (and we had only dated a handful of months, long distance), but because we joined the core team of a church plant three days after our honeymoon, we had really intense neighbors and our friend group was going through big changes. We kind of rattle off that scenario a lot. "Oh, our first year was hard." But recently, I looked back on a few things I wrote during that time and it was incredible. God found ways to minister to me through a few really deep, amazing friendships. We lived two blocks from the beach and would walk down to catch the sunset. We learned a lot about church structure, church family and church politics. I worked full time as a nanny and made the most money I've ever made playing in the sun and eating fruit snacks. I use to get up early on Saturday mornings and go to rummage sales by myself. I'd get coffee and a doughnut and come home with some old side table. Matt and I would end up repainting it together and by Sunday our house was rearranged. Yes, that year was hard. But really great things happened and I don't know if I'd particularly remember them if I hadn't written them down.

All through the Old Testament, God urges his people to remember. "Remember how I rescued you from slavery? Remember how I've never failed you? Remember what I said?" The Bible is soaked with evidence of God's love and faithfulness to us. My journals have started to mimic this; it becomes less of a record of my day-to-day (although, I think this can be valuable) and more of a proclamation of God's goodness and simply his presence in my life.

Over time, you'll need to flip back through the pages less. You'll retain more of what you write. I find myself having a more trained eye to notice when God takes care of me. I get to know myself better, I can anticipate my own behavior quicker and I worry less. A lot less, actually. When money's tight, I don't just have to tell myself "it'll all work out". I have pages and pages to read of proof that it has always worked out.

Our world is becoming more and more digital every day. If you're like me, a lot of your conversations, your photos and even friendships exist online, through social media. There is something to be said about a physical book holding inked pages that mark your relationship with God. 

If you are looking for a way to experience joy and fulfillment, to speak more fluidly with God and gain more trust in him, write. Write down what you're worried about or what you're looking forward to. Write down a verse that really stuck out to you and why. Write a short list of what you're currently thankful for. Write down a prayer. Write a psalm. Even if you just carve out five minutes a day to write, I'm confident it'll make a difference in the quality of your life. And like most new, forced habits, the more often you do it, the easier and better it gets.