I'm sitting in my living room, surrounded by boxes and bubble-wrapped belongings. Most of which smell like cinnamon, since all of our moving boxes were swiped from the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf warehouse on the day their cinnamon tea shipment arrived.
I'm staring into the face of a 40 hour work week, almost all double shifts, packing and cleaning our house, all before we hand over the keys to our landlord and hop on a flight to Alabama. We're heading there for the summer to be with Matt's family and support them as we figure out how to fight for his aunt's life being held in the ruthless grip of cancer.
After momentarily kicking up our feet after work each night to scarf down dinner from the freezer section of Trader Joe's, we continue packing and loading up our storage unit. Wincing every time the phone rings and hoping it's not more bad news, we press on. The temptation to collapse in sobs in the fetal position tugs at me, but I can't. As the room metaphorically darkens and my mind wanders away from truth and panic starts to quicken my heart beat, I stop.
At this point, even if I wanted to, I don't think I could panic or meltdown. I mean, talk to me in three days after I've worked three 12 hour days in customer service...but right now, my heart is solid. My trust in God's character is strong. He has been more real to me in the past two weeks than ever before. His love. His care. His sovereignty. His control over our circumstances.
The week we got the news from Matt's family, we started talking loosely about going out there to be with them. His job, my jobs and our lease started a large list of reasons it wouldn't work for us to go. But like a winding line of dominoes, God started knocking things out one by one, paving our way to the south. Matt's bosses were incredibly compassionate and although not legally obligated, are allowing him to leave and switch to part time, working from home, giving us just enough to cover our bills and expenses while we're gone.
Our landlord was very understanding and let us out of our lease. She found people to move in just days after we leave, making a seamless transition in renters for her and saving us hundreds of dollars paying our last month of rent here. The new renters are regulars from the coffee shop I work at, making it easier to pass off my beloved garden in the season of blooming and our sweet, little home to them.
Both of my bosses were incredibly understanding when I gave them my notice, easing my nerves and calming my shaking hands. They both encouraged me a ton and both told me my jobs would be waiting for me when I got back, if I was interested.
Having all those big things knocked out of our way would have been enough to encourage us that we made the right choice, but he didn't stop there. He has continued to lavish us in his blessing and care since the moment we started packing. Our beloved Bethany's spontaneous trip to California became not-so-spontaneous when she arrived the same day we got news that Matt's aunt's condition was worsening, quickly. After wiping away our tears, we spent the evening with Beth, laughing over a huge pizza and mapping out our shortened plan to get out of here. Our plane tickets out there are completely covered since we're using vouchers we received from American Airlines. In January, on our flight out to Alabama, our plane made an emergency landing after there were problems with the landing gear. I was absolutely inconsolable and terrified as the pilot instructed us over the intercom, crying and preparing myself for what I assumed was a crash landing (nevermind that everyone else on the plane was rolling their eyes at my overreaction to what apparently wasn't that big of an emergency..). A small amount of trauma and fear is now being used as a huge blessing in the form of free plane tickets.
We put together a last minute garage sale on Saturday and in just a few hours, all of our unwanted items were gone and we had an envelope stuffed with cash.
Matt and I are clinging close to each other, careful to check in with the other person and take care of each other.
I could go on and on with a list of God's presence in our trials over the past few weeks. He has proved to me over and over again that he is with us. Emmanuel. Why do I ever doubt it?
