People always tell me I'm a truth-teller. "Go ahead, Carly, tell me what you think", they say. They know I'll probably tell them something maybe the rest of their friends didn't, or won't. I often hear them say "I love that about you! You always tell me what I need to hear." But I've never really liked this about myself. It sometimes means people won't share with you (because they don't want to hear push back) and it sometimes means you lose friends. I remember the first time this went wrong. I was in 8th grade and all my friends had metaphorically pushed me to the front of a situation. "You tell her!" I did. It didn't go well and my friends scattered when I turned around for back up. This has more or less continued my entire life. I have been in countless situations where I'm elected (often self-elected) to speak truth. I look back and I can count up a few lost friendships, a few conversations gone wrong. Matt and I are currently standing in the wake that our truth-telling created in our latest ministry. When I think of times like that, I wish I could be the type of friend that just listens and loves you. The friend that nods along and offers to pray. I think of my friend Erica and how gentle and loving she is. I can pour out my problems and mistakes to her and she just bathes me in grace and compassion. She nods along. She often cries, even if I'm not. She'll offer to pray with me. She'll scold the offenders from my stories. She shows me so much grace. She's taught me so much about kindness. Sometimes I purposely call her up when I just want to be consoled.
I have some pretty great truth-tellers in my life too. Like my friend Kat. She's bold and honest, I love that about her. I seek after it, she does it so well. These days my very literal and fact-stating husband has slipped into her role, but often on my phone dates with Kat I still treat her like my truth-telling vending machine. I put in my quarter and ask her "tell me what you think about ". It's a gift to have friends like that. To have people who are willing to look past your happiness and fight for your holiness. But it's hard to be a friend like that. Sometimes I fight it, trying to squirm away from the feeling in my chest that's prompting me to say something. I remember one time I told God if he had something to say to someone, to just tell them himself. (Don't do that.)
So this morning, as I started the book of Jeremiah I found great encouragement in his story. Jeremiah is called to reveal God's (brutal) message to Judah that judgement is coming. The first chapter spoke out to me.
"O Sovereign Lord," I said, "I can't speak for you! I'm too young!" The Lord replied, "Don't say, 'I'm too young', for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don't be afraid the people, for I will be with you and will protect you." Jer. 1:6-7
I don't think that some people are truth-tellers and some people are not. I think that everyone who follows God in their life will be put in hard conversations that call for the truth to be told, in love and hopefully with lots of grace. But I can't help but notice that some people get put in those conversations more than others. God told Jeremiah that he set him apart, before he was even born, to be his messenger (1:5).
"Look, I have put my words in your mouth! Today I appoint you to stand up against nations and kingdoms. Some, you must uproot and tear down, destroy and overthrow. Others you must build up and plant." Jer. 1:8-9
I love that part. I've learned over the years that truth-telling doesn't just mean blurting out what no one else has the boldness to say. I need to be reminded, as Jeremiah reads, that truth-telling also means encouraging. Sometimes I think it always means reprimanding someone, or asking hard questions, but truth isn't always bad. Sometimes it means affirming someone in their gifting. Maybe it means encouraging someone after they did something hard. It can be just restating something they already know, but need to remember. "God loves you."
This means I can be a friend like Erica and still speak truth into someone's life. Actually, it means I should be like that if I want any space to speak into someone's life. I know, though, that no matter how gently and graciously I present hard truth to someone, it can still go wrong. I've experienced it. But in that moment, when my head hangs in devastation, I have to trust God. He knew exactly how the people were going to respond to Jeremiah's message to them, yet he still wanted them to hear it. It's part of his mercy. He gives us chances upon chances upon chances. He tugs on our sleeves, taps on our shoulders and whispers into our ears. I'm so thankful for the people in my life that are a part of that. Who forfeit comfort and risk our friendship to deliver God's message to me. I'm working on being thankful that God uses me to be a friend like that and I pray that I do it well, that I don't just uproot, but that I build up and plant.
